Parenting Mistakes
We all make them - it’s inevitable. Even people who have lots of training in child development and psychology (ahem looking at myself here…) make plenty of mistakes in parenting. There is a lot of opportunity to make mistakes - your whole life post children! So let’s first cut ourselves a little slack and give ourselves grace. What’s really important when we make parenting mistakes, is what we do to rectify them.
I made a mistake just the other day. I knew it was a mistake, because it immediately felt wrong in my gut. Here’s what happened - I asked my son for a hug and kiss and he said “nein, danke” (no thank you). Without thinking, I made a sad face and said, “Mama’s sad I don’t get a kiss!” He then proceeded to give me a hug and kiss.
Just…yuck. Nope, that one did not feel good. I took a moment to reflect on why and what I would do to correct course. Here’s why I didn’t like what I did:
1) It is not authentic to me or ok with me to coerce affection from anyone, let alone my child
2) My emotions, including my happiness, are not the responsibility of my child and his behavior
3) I want to respect my child’s boundaries with his body and teach him it is ok to say no to requests that are made about the use of his body - my actions in this situation were not in line with that
Here’s the good news - making a mistake like this one time is not the end of the world. It’s fairly easy to correct and with time and consistency, the message I don’t want conveyed will fade away. The more quickly you can attend to mistakes you make or things that don’t feel good and correct them, the easier correcting course will be.
The next time I asked for a hug and kiss, I was presented with an opportunity to course correct. My son clearly remembered the time I had said, “Mama is sad”, because he asked if I was sad, despite there being no facial cues on my end to suggest I might be. In response to his question, I said, “No, mama isn’t sad. It’s ok if you don’t want to give a hug and a kiss. I’m sorry I said that last time. You don’t need to worry about how I feel!”
My son is 2 - he probably didn’t totally understand everything I said and the concepts behind them. Nonetheless, I want to give him a clear example of an apology and an explanation. I will repeat this and similar sentiments as much as possible and fully respect his no-thank-you’s as well.
Mistakes are inevitable. What you do to make amends and correct mistakes matters. If you need help or have questions, schedule a free consultation call and I’d be happy to chat!
