Authentic & Intentional: Test it out

I came across a great example the other day, of authentic & intentional parenting. Now that my child is becoming more verbal, we are working with him to put his emotions into words instead of screams, whines, throwing, etc. To be clear - this is a process and takes a lot of work!

I realized that the words I was using to coach him through this skill mattered. I tested out several options:

“Tell me with your big boy voice”

“Tell me without whining”

“Tell me with your words what’s the matter”

What I discovered, is that not only did it feel most authentic to me to say, “tell me with your words what’s the matter”, I also preferred the meaning of it as well. In my own parenting, wherever possible and within reasonable limits, I intentionally try to avoid saying things that minimize my child’s emotions or experience. To me, “big boy” and “whining” both do that. Therefore, I will intentionally be using my most authentic wording when coaching my child. Of course, I’ll probably mess up from time to time, but on the whole I want to be intentional and thoughtful in how I do this.

Here’s a place where Parenting, By You diverges some from other parenting advice and resources out there. I’m more cautious about using scripts (i.e., say this thing in this situation) because often, they are cookie cutter scripts that reflect someone else’s authenticity and intention and may not fit your’s. If they do, great! Use them! But have a think about whether any scripts you’re using or have encountered do make sense for you. If not, consider making changes that work better for you. If you need any help doing so, I’d love to chat!