A new experience happened today with my toddler. He was drinking his water while we were walking to Kita (preschool) and when he was done, he tried to put it in the front basket of the stroller, which is a little difficult to do because it’s mesh and unstructured. One of the handles got stuck and he told me that. I said it was ok, because the water bottle wasn’t going to fall down. But he insisted that the water bottle needed to go into the basket, because that was the correct way. Then, he said that the water bottle needed to be closed, so I closed it. But he wanted to close it.

So the water bottle came back out, he opened the lid again, closed it, and together we put it back in the basket. Order was returned to the stroller.

Even though I knew something like this would happen eventually, as this is a classic toddler behavior - wanting something to be in order / fixed / organized in a way that you, the parent, think doesn’t really matter- I was still tempted to feel annoyed by the delay in our walk to Kita (we were already running late).

What I realized though, is that we as parents are constantly doing the exact same thing to our kids. We tell them where things go, how they should be put together, to fix it when it’s not correct, and so on.

Responding to my child learning the rules of the world - the rules that I am teaching him - purely with irritation or annoyance is unfair. He is demonstrating that he is listening to and learning about the world and the rules. He is showing that he cares about how things are ordered and that he has grasped the concept that there is a right way to do things. This is exactly the kind of thing I am teaching him, as his parent. I want him to do these kinds of things, because it shows he is learning.

The tricky part for parents is that these situations very often occur when we are strectched for time, which is why it’s easy to feel irritated and annoyed. Next time this happens to you, try reframing the situation (below) and see how it feels. It won’t fix everything, but it’s a good start!

My child is engaging in behavior that shows me how much they’re learning, wow!