Understanding why people do what they do goes a long way in building our relationships with them and in helping us determine how to respond to their behavior. This is true of pretty much any relationship, but especially of our relationships with our kids. Let’s dive into how this works with a practical, common example in parenting:

Your normally sweet, fairly compliant child has suddenly become a “No!” machine and does not respond well to boundaries you attempt to put in place.

Why has this happened?

Most likely, depending of course on their age, they have hit the developmental stage of growing independence. It is normal and even necessary for kids to experience this stage of development. It is important for all people to be able to stand up for themselves, understand and ask for what they want and need, and to be independently functioning beings. The beginnings of these independent abilities start early in life and how we handle this with our kids matters a lot for their development down the road!

Now that we’ve got the why figured out, we encounter a serious problem, which is that you and I have reactions to this new behavior. These may include (but are certainly not limited to):

• Frustration

• Sadness

• Irritation

• Stress

• A decreased interest in taking kids out in public / feeling unable to take them out in public without feeling embarrassed

• Becoming less consistent in your parenting approach

• Doing whatever seems necessary in the moment to keeping the peace

Many, many parents get stuck at this point. Their responses to their child’s behavior (constant “no’s” and tantrums, etc) consume their parenting and a miserable cycle of power struggles, giving in, and just waiting for the toddler years to pass by becomes the norm.

It does not have to be this way. Check out Part 2 and consider reaching out for a free initial consult to learn more about how things can be different!