It was a toddler kind of day at our house. Meltdowns, defiance, face in the noodles, and a random bit of very sweet behavior as well. As we discussed last time, it’s easy for these days to get us down and to feel defeated by a tiny child’s whims.

Does it have to be this way? I would argue yes - and no.

Yes, some of these things have to be this way - it’s child development. Little kids can’t regulate their emotions and are strongly guided by how they feel and what they want in the moment. Meltdowns will happen, variations between defiance and sweet behavior will happen. What adults view as irrational behavior happens. It’s developmentally appropriate, as well as a side-effect of being humans whose brains take a long time to develop.

What is not set in stone - what does not have to be this way - is how you manage and react to these kinds of situations. Here are some insights into how I experienced this situation:

1. There were many points at which I could have let myself become frustrated and acted on that frustration (e.g., snapping, getting into the conflict). I reminded myself that child development happens and went on with my lunch.

2. Note that I wrote I ignored “this” and not my child. I ignored the behaviors my child was engaged in. I addressed him, when he spoke to me directly at various points, and I kept an eye on him to make sure his meltdown was within reasonable limits (i.e., no harm to himself or other things). But I did not validate his behaviors by responding to them.

3. At no time did I think my child was doing this to push my buttons, antagonize me, or that it was about me. It’s not about me, it’s about his development and experience of emotion.

4. I did not get into a single confrontation or fight with him, because I chose my battles. In this case, I determined there was only one battle worth fighting - he would need to wear a bib if he was going to eat the pasta. In the meantime, I wasn’t going to fight about when he ate (before / after nap), throwing the bib, or him saying “NO”. These were the behaviors he was exhibiting that I was ignoring. When he decided he wanted to eat later, the bib went on and that was that.

5. I immediately and enthusiastically responded to his sweet behavior of wanting to clean the table (see his actual hand doing so in the blog pic)! This is behavior I want to reward and to see more of.

This is just a glimpse into all the parenting that goes into a relatively small situation, though it is a kind of situation that we will all experience and more than once at that. If you want to learn more about how to manage these kinds of situations in a really focused way specific to you and your kids, reach out for a free initial call. I’d love to talk with you more!